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No Paternity Test Required
WHAT: Fun, Personal, Random   |   WHEN: July 29, 2011
So my mom's been saying for weeks now how much Saige looks like I did as a little one.  In fact, she joked that Saige looks more like me than well, me, at her age. I mean, I don't have any newborn images of me, but from what I remembered of the few baby images I'd last seen of me years ago, I knew there were some similarities. I needed proof, though, so I asked my mom if she had any she could bring over so I could see for myself.

So, without further delay, here's yours truly 38 years go. Thanks, Olan, for this masterpiece. BTW, judging by the amount of photos my mom brought over from Olan Mills, they musta known us like Cheers knows Norm.  I know a lotta folks make fun of Olan Mills for his cookie-cutter franchises delivering, ummm, stellar images with craptastic props, non-sensical backgrounds and the incomparable "look-away" poses, but that guy musta laughed all the way to the bank.  He's the Ray Kroc of photography.

... and here's little Saige in a quick image we took tonight for comparison.  Holy crud, it's freakin' mini-me.

I'm just hoping her high school senior yearbook photo doesn't look like mine.  Actually, I'm really just hopin' her eyebrows - unlike mine - thin out over time.  Otherwise, I smell a wax job in her future... unless we decide to make her wait until after she graduates just to keep the boys away. Kidding. Just kidding... sort of.

And to finish out this post, here's a few more beauties from the Olan Mills factory with a little color commentary mixed in.

Speaking of color, for this first one, who was the jerk that started this terrible trend of colorizing images like this to make the subject look like they were destined to be a freakish circus attraction?

I can assure you this is the only time I ever sat this awkwardly close to my brother's crotch.  Apparently the clown suit I'm wearing made it okay, though.

Nope. Still not looking at the camera.  I can only guess that Olan Mills had a company policy to fire any employees that photographed subjects looking anywhere near the camera.

Ahh, yes... the signature Olan Mills double-exposure. This musta been their go-to, cash-cow image because let's face it, what parent wouldn't want an image of their kids' heads floating on a black backdrop while seemingly gazing into their future... which unfortunately included plaid pants.

Joker pants aside, this could be a Revlon Shampoo magazine ad image.  I mean, look at that silky smooth, shiny flowing hair. You can't pull off those pants without great hair.

Wearing a leisure suit with a turtle neck leaning on a faux fence in a faux field... everybody did this in the 70's.  BTW, you'd think the photographer mighta pointed out to the parent(s) that their kids hair looked like, oh I dunno, a mole hill was growing on top of their head before they took the photo.  Not like they coulda missed it. 

We musta been the smartest kids in school with all those books in our obviously-real library.  

We are clearly outdoors in this photo. Clearly.  And I'm starting to realize I had the same haircut for the first 10 years of my life. I imagine my parents rolling me into the local mall barber shop and saying, "Give him the Davy Jones do."

Okay, let's deal with the elephant in the room in this next photo and get it outta the way.  Yes, the tear in the photo is in an awkward shape and location.

Hey, back in the library... in a tan corduroy suit.  Oh well, at least I'm not in a red corduroy suit because that would be ridicu... oh... never mind.


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